Sebastian dies

I guess the only place to begin is to just tell his story. Since the weekend weiner dog has just been lying around & not coming out of the dog house. It had rained off & on over the weekend so I didn't think much of it & he usually will hang his head out of the doghouse anyhow. On Tuesday Jon & I went to see the dogs while we were in the back yard & I held wiener dog & noticed how lethargic he was. I petted his head & his eyebrows pushed back & I saw how yellow the whites of his eyes were.  I told Jon something's wrong with him.  I called the vet & told them what I found & they said to bring him in right away. Jon went to pick up Spenser while I went to give Sebastian a bath. I know that might sound odd in an emergency but I had time to kill waiting for Jon to get back & Sebastian is an outside dog & he deserved to be clean before going to the vet. I put him in the sink & he was just dead weight & just laid there. I wrapped him in a towel & when drying him off I noticed black liquid around his anus.  I really knew then this would not turn out well.  I had been upset before, but was now really crying. I had my neighbor watch Spenser because I knew we would probably be putting Sebastian down & I didn't want Spenser to be there. I had hoped Sebastian just had a raging infection & could be cured. Anyhow, we got to the vet & they took us right back. We laid him on the table & each time a vet or a tech would pass the room they would stop in asking "what's this, what's going on here".  I knew he was in bad shape. They confirmed bleeding in the anus & severe jaundice & while examining him found a tumor in his stomach about golf ball size that she had me feel. (Jon didn't want to feel it). The vet suggested putting him down would be best. She said they can do a blood test to find out what it all is but they pretty much knew it was cancer of the stomach that shut down his liver, or cancer of the liver that spread to the stomach. She said if we wanted to spend the money we could treat him with chemo, etc but there was no gurantee & he would be sicker & uncomfortable.  They left us alone to talk & Jon & I agreed we didn't want Sebastian to suffer or hurt or be sick anymore. We were with him when they gave him the shot, I was stroking him & looking into his eyes & Jon was petting him too. We told him how much we loved him & that he would feel better soon & what a good dog he was & that he would get to see Papa & Mimi & Jesus & that we'd see him later when we got there too.  The shot they gave him shut his brain off so he goes to sleep immediately & then the heart stops so it was very humane & that's what we wanted. His eyes stayed open the whole time & the vet put the stethoscope to his heart, shook her head "yes' & said "he's gone".  We decided to take him home & bury him. They gave us a big black plastic bag & they & Jon gently put him in. I asked what way we should leave the building because I didn't want to upset anyone. They said since it was close to closing time there won't be many people in the lobby so just leave the main way. When we were walking out, there was one lady I cound see & when she saw our red, teary eyes & Jon carrying the bag she said "awwwww" & I gave her a warm smile to thank her for her sympathy & when I came around the corner I looked down to see what kind of dog she had.  It was a black weiner dog!  I looked at Jon & said that was a sign from our weiner dog that he is ok & with Jesus now.  We got home & Jon dug a hole in the back yard. Our other outdoor dog Dexter just walked around. Then when Jon came back out with the bag & put Sebastian in the ground Dexter started to bark & howl & I just lost it again.  They really do know.  When I went to get Sebastian out of the dog house to go to the vet, Dexter was laying on him so he knew.  I have struggled with guilt, how could I not have known he was so sick or that he needed us? How could we not have seen the weight loss? Jon & I thought he was actually gaining weight. The vet told us that if you are with the dog every day, you won't notice any changes.  I was also afraid he had been sick for longer than the weekend & Jon & my neighbors & friends all assured me that just days ago to a week ago he was out of the doghouse & walking & playing so that made me feel so much better. Dogs with cancer is alot different than people with cancer. It goes much more quickly. So now we are trying to get Dexter over the loss of his brother & being alone outside now & I'm really not sure how much longer I can have him outside alone. The day Sebastian died I was going to talk to Jon about trying it again as far as bringing the dogs back into the house. We'll see. I want to be fair about it, how can we bring Dexter in when Sebastian didn't get to but I had planned on it, he just died before I could & now the situation has changed. My plans are to see how Dexter adjusts & we'll go from there. Anyhow we mourn the loss of our precious weiner dog & we think we gave him a good doggy life & that he knew we loved him & we know he loved us. They really do become a member of the family & are no less deserving of love & attention & care & to not be sick or hurt.  We love you so so much Sebastian.  See you later.